Let’s say that you walk into a bar a order a cold beer, there is a well priced draft version of one of your favorite draws and you order it anticipating the cool refreshment to follow. The bartender sets down a greasy glass and starts to unzip his black Dickey’s, do you
1. Let him continue to serve you the lie you just ordered
2. Tell him to raise the drawbridge?
Putting comfort food on a bar menu is the smartest thing anyone can do to boost food sales in a pub. Throw in the benefit of low prices to accompany your beverage and you will be opening your wallet before the waitstaff can say jimminy christmas. It would stand to reason that great classics like, Garlic French Fries or Macaroni and Cheese, would be no great task for anyone to prepare. Why would anyone sabotage the prospect of great return business by serving fowled versions of things that you know you love to eat?
One Denver’s local hangs, the Breckenridge Brewery on the corner of 5th and Kalamath, has committed this very crime. The Mac n Cheese contained no lobster tails or even the possibility of creme fresh as a base component of the $5.50 bowl of toxic waste that was served to me earlier this very evening. The thought of each oily, not buttery smooth, mouthful of what seemed like pre-chewed velveta, is beginning to climb back up my esophagus.
The bowl was filled proudly with oversized-softened macaroni noodles coated in, 7 Eleven grade nacho cheese whiz, topped with some shredded cheddar of a similar taste and consistency and an under indulgent helping of thin, flavorless bacon bits mixed into the mash. If it weren’t for the decent service, the night may have been a disaster. My eyes are still trying to vomit up the strange imagery of what would appear to be coiled chopped snakes covered in a yellowish primordial goo.
If you are going to make a standard like Mac n Cheese (with bacon), I had better be able to:
- Taste the bacon (since it is a named ingredient)
- Feel the firm al dente texture of the pasta
- Enjoy the decadent buttery cheese dressing
Since none of these things were palatable at all, I give the Breck’s first appearance on my wailing wall, a big thumbs down. If you value the inner lining of your stomach and would like to avoid sucking down a roll of tumbs before bed, you should keep this item off the menu.
Sincerely, the queezy Eater – Zach
6 responses to “Mac n Cheese the Devil”
Why didn’t you take a picture of it? That sounds disgusting.
Is it okay to be entertained by your suffering? Seriously, if you could write as well after every culinary disaster, then I would seriously condemn you to truck stop after truck stop after Stuckey’s after Cracker Barrel for my perverse pleasure in your description of each!
sadly i didn’t even think to use my damn iphone to record this horrible encounter.
that sounds like an unsavory purgatory
You should try the “Breakfast Dagwood” at Denny’s – that thing will make the mac & cheese look like caviar!
that sounds like a double roll of tums and some pepto 🙁